The past week has been a lot easier going to work. I can't remember the last time it was this easy going to work. When I was with Mike, he always tried to convince me to take time off. I didn't like to take time off, but I also wanted to spend time with him. It made me feel like our roles were turned and I should be more of the one staying at home and he needed to be the one off working. But I knew that was never going to change. I LOVE my job, I'm glad I have stuck with it and it is the one thing that keeps my mind busy right now.
I have learned a lot the past few weeks while staying at Nancy's. Tyler really cheers me up. How can he not when you wake up to a sweet, innocent little boy saying to you "Oh, hello Nicky Poo Poo. I'm so glad to see you" Whether he is really glad to see you or not, nobody will ever know. He walks me to the door every morning and he will push me out the door and say "i'll see you after work and after my school. I love you!"
Last night in his bed time prayers, he said to "please bless nicky poo, mom-e, dad-e, tyler the professor, and baby grayson that we can talk to dr walker about going to the beach with mickey mouse" He wants me to go on his make-a-wish trip with him. That makes me feel so loved by him. Also by Nancy and Dallas that they are going to do what they can to make that happen.
I cannot even tell my family thank you enough for everything you do for me. A special thank you to my parents. Mom and Dad,you are the best parents ever! You are so supportive ad understanding. I'm trying to understand and get back on the path, it takes time and effort and prayer.. I'm trying. I'm reading a lot, praying a lot..
Nancy and Dallas--I can say thank you til I'm blue in my face. You guys have given me a home when I didn't have one. You are helping me mentally, physically and spiritually. thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you guys so much
Tammy and Josh--Thanks for being there, even just to listen. Sometimes that's all I need. I really appreciate and I know I haven't told you guys enough. I love you
Barrett and Chantel--Thanks for helping me store some of my belongings up there. it lifted a lot of stress off of me and helped me know that I will still be able to have stuff after these next few months. Having you guys back is really good!
I know that My family is probably thinking... another depression with Nicky.. I'm so sorry. I'm trying to pull out of it. I love you guys so much for helping me with this.
I also want to thank my friends. They know who they are (even though I know they don't read this blog) but i have told them all specifically thank you for everything that they do. They are so amazing in my eyes..
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Is it really 10 years!?!
When I think back to 9/11, I can remember the day so vividly. I can remember the smell, the feel of the air... I was in my first year at Snow College I was living with one of my best friends, Alissa Jacobson. That Tuesday morning, I got up and was going to my Microbiology lab. I want to say it was the first one of the school semester. The class started at 7, so nothing happened before class. When the class got out at 9, I got to my car and turned on the local college radio station and that's when I heard the news... The World Trade Center was just attacked and an airplane ran into it. I didn't believe it. I didn't live that far from the campus but our apartment didn't have cable yet, so I slowly drove myself home and sat in the parking lot of my house so I could hear more. I got home and I immediately called my mom. I knew she would know what was going on. She was at work but she got on and she confirmed that it was real, a plane had hit the building. She told me I NEED to find a TV! I knew then that this day was going to be something I was going to remember for the rest of my life. This was something different, something tragic. Our neighbors had cable, so we had all crammed into their house. When I say we, I'm saying that literally. I lived with girls from the Snow College basketball team, and ALL of the team (and their roommates) crammed into that the apartment. (We were all really tight that year)
We all missed class that day. I did go to my afternoon class, but we didn't do anything. All of the classes had the News on, the teachers didn't want to miss anything.
That night, the bishop of my college ward called a special prayer. We met at the church and I don' remember much about the prayer but I remember him telling all of us to be prepared for a lot of change. Things are never going to be the same. But the Sunday before the attack, there was a fireside and he said to remember what was said in the fireside (I don't remember what was said). I do remember Bishop saying if we need to, top our cars off with gas, because the gas prices are going to raise and we will see them over $4/gal (we were all in shock!) He made sure to tell us that we were all going to be ok but things were never going to be the same after the events that happened that day. Boy, was he right. You should have seen the line of cars at Maverick that night, everyone wanted to put gas in their cars and make sure we were all full :)
10 years later, I look back and see everything that has gone on. Gas prices have gone up $4/gal. I was thinking the other day that Lexi (my niece) was alive but she was only 1. She has no recollection of what went on. That all the little kids will have to learn about this in history class and I lived through it. I got to see it! That is just amazing to me. This past week in the Emery County Progress they had an article that the kids were going to learn about 9/11 and I thought to myself, why do they need to "learn" about it.. Then it hit me, they were so little! That just really shocks me. It doesn't seem that it was that long ago, but it was 10 years ago! (am I getting that old)
While looking through pictures and videos of all the 9/11 memories, the emotions from that day come back. The days after 9/11, I remember we got the newspaper at our house, I would save the newspaper. I have them tucked away in my cedar chest. I knew that someday someone might want to see things in those paper. I guess I learned that from my grandpa Rue. I have the front page of the paper the day after with a picture of the Twin Towers getting hit.
So, where were you when the world stop turning, that September day? Heaven got a lot of angels that day.
We all missed class that day. I did go to my afternoon class, but we didn't do anything. All of the classes had the News on, the teachers didn't want to miss anything.
That night, the bishop of my college ward called a special prayer. We met at the church and I don' remember much about the prayer but I remember him telling all of us to be prepared for a lot of change. Things are never going to be the same. But the Sunday before the attack, there was a fireside and he said to remember what was said in the fireside (I don't remember what was said). I do remember Bishop saying if we need to, top our cars off with gas, because the gas prices are going to raise and we will see them over $4/gal (we were all in shock!) He made sure to tell us that we were all going to be ok but things were never going to be the same after the events that happened that day. Boy, was he right. You should have seen the line of cars at Maverick that night, everyone wanted to put gas in their cars and make sure we were all full :)
10 years later, I look back and see everything that has gone on. Gas prices have gone up $4/gal. I was thinking the other day that Lexi (my niece) was alive but she was only 1. She has no recollection of what went on. That all the little kids will have to learn about this in history class and I lived through it. I got to see it! That is just amazing to me. This past week in the Emery County Progress they had an article that the kids were going to learn about 9/11 and I thought to myself, why do they need to "learn" about it.. Then it hit me, they were so little! That just really shocks me. It doesn't seem that it was that long ago, but it was 10 years ago! (am I getting that old)
While looking through pictures and videos of all the 9/11 memories, the emotions from that day come back. The days after 9/11, I remember we got the newspaper at our house, I would save the newspaper. I have them tucked away in my cedar chest. I knew that someday someone might want to see things in those paper. I guess I learned that from my grandpa Rue. I have the front page of the paper the day after with a picture of the Twin Towers getting hit.
So, where were you when the world stop turning, that September day? Heaven got a lot of angels that day.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Does this Roller Coaster have seat belts?
A lot has happened the past week for me in my life. I never thought I would have had to go through this all over again, but I do. I was so happy with Mike (or so I thought) and we were fine (or so I thought). Last Tuesday while I was at work, I got the most random email from him. I just got done talking to him and he was fine. He then emailed me and said that he was going back to his wife and kids and then said thanks for everything. My world felt like it had shattered. I sat there just looking at this email. It felt so surreal. I went into my boss' office and they (my boss and coworker) and my boss told me to sit in her office, I just cried. She told me I needed to go home and see what all he took from the house. I didn't want to face the fact that he was gone. At least not alone. So I called my sister Nancy, I was crying on the phone and I asked her if she could meet me at my house because Mike left. I got to the house the same time she did. I walked in and there were things thrown all over the house. I didn't know where to even start. I am so grateful I had her there to help me compose myself and to help me figure out what I needed to do. We got the locks changed so he couldn't get in, since he didn't leave the house key. I talked to the manager and told her that no matter what he is NOT allowed in the house. There were a lot of choices me and Mike made that probably weren't the best choices and now I have to live with them. He left me with $4 in my account. I cannot even start to tell my family how grateful I am that they are there for me. That night, I stayed at Nancy's. I was able to get really good sleep that night (thanks to sleeping meds). I didn't make it into work that next day, but my boss completely understood!
Wednesday, Tammy came down with Koy (she had a dentist appointment) and her and Nancy took me out to lunch. Nancy also made me an appointment with a therapist. It was good to have them here and just knowing that my sisters were there to cry to. It was really good to talk to a therapist who didn't have any connections with the situation and could just listen and didn't really have to give any input but she did tell me that I did nothing wrong. She did encourage me to cry a lot and if needed, take a lot of walks. Knowing that I have had this similiar thing happen in the past (twice) I keep thinking, what is wrong with me.
Thursday and Friday I did go to work and start in on my normal routine. It was hard, I cried a lot and I would cry out of the blue. But I pulled through. I have a lot of coworkers and a boss who really cares.
Saturday morning, we went to the Hydrocephalus walk at Sugarhouse Park. That was fun to enjoy that with Tyler. That was just the beginning of the family filled weekend. My parents came up that day because Grayson was getting blessed in church. After much thinking and talking with my family, we decided that the best thing for me to do is move out of my apartment that I was living in and move into Nancy and Dallas' house in the spare room for a few months. So Saturday, that's what we started doing. We got A LOT packed! My dad is just amazing. He had a torn meniscus and he was helping me pack. Mom did what she does best, held the baby while we packed (she's a grandma!) By the time we were done that night, we were so done!
Sunday we got up and went to Grayson's blessing. It was good to go back to church. It has been a long time. While I was sitting there between my brother and sister, I had so many thoughts going through my mind. This is what I want; I want someone who can sit with me and my family at church, someone who will come and be with my family. My family has played such an important role the past week, I want whoever is in my life to know that my family is always going to be in my life, NO MATTER WHAT. Later that night, we went and moved the bigger items from the apartment. My brother was so helpful and he bought my couches from me. (He really needed the loveseat for his office but oh well, he still helped out) and he stored my bed for me.
Monday we took all the stuff up to Cache Valley cuz we were heading up to the land of the cows for the Labrum Family Reunion! It was so good to be around all my family. I had my cousins and aunt and uncles come up and just ask if I was ok. They are such a strength.
So, now here I am. I am living at Nancy's. It's hard to know that a week ago all this happened. But I am so proud that I have been able to pull through this. I know that if it wasn't for my family, I don't know how I could've done it. I know I will definately have my ups and downs. Since this is the 3rd time this has happened, I just have to keep telling myself that the guy out there for me must be FABULOUS because look at all this that I have had to go through for him.
I just cannot tell my family thank you enough. They are/have/will be doing so much for me. I will forever be in debt to you.
Wednesday, Tammy came down with Koy (she had a dentist appointment) and her and Nancy took me out to lunch. Nancy also made me an appointment with a therapist. It was good to have them here and just knowing that my sisters were there to cry to. It was really good to talk to a therapist who didn't have any connections with the situation and could just listen and didn't really have to give any input but she did tell me that I did nothing wrong. She did encourage me to cry a lot and if needed, take a lot of walks. Knowing that I have had this similiar thing happen in the past (twice) I keep thinking, what is wrong with me.
Thursday and Friday I did go to work and start in on my normal routine. It was hard, I cried a lot and I would cry out of the blue. But I pulled through. I have a lot of coworkers and a boss who really cares.
Saturday morning, we went to the Hydrocephalus walk at Sugarhouse Park. That was fun to enjoy that with Tyler. That was just the beginning of the family filled weekend. My parents came up that day because Grayson was getting blessed in church. After much thinking and talking with my family, we decided that the best thing for me to do is move out of my apartment that I was living in and move into Nancy and Dallas' house in the spare room for a few months. So Saturday, that's what we started doing. We got A LOT packed! My dad is just amazing. He had a torn meniscus and he was helping me pack. Mom did what she does best, held the baby while we packed (she's a grandma!) By the time we were done that night, we were so done!
Sunday we got up and went to Grayson's blessing. It was good to go back to church. It has been a long time. While I was sitting there between my brother and sister, I had so many thoughts going through my mind. This is what I want; I want someone who can sit with me and my family at church, someone who will come and be with my family. My family has played such an important role the past week, I want whoever is in my life to know that my family is always going to be in my life, NO MATTER WHAT. Later that night, we went and moved the bigger items from the apartment. My brother was so helpful and he bought my couches from me. (He really needed the loveseat for his office but oh well, he still helped out) and he stored my bed for me.
Monday we took all the stuff up to Cache Valley cuz we were heading up to the land of the cows for the Labrum Family Reunion! It was so good to be around all my family. I had my cousins and aunt and uncles come up and just ask if I was ok. They are such a strength.
So, now here I am. I am living at Nancy's. It's hard to know that a week ago all this happened. But I am so proud that I have been able to pull through this. I know that if it wasn't for my family, I don't know how I could've done it. I know I will definately have my ups and downs. Since this is the 3rd time this has happened, I just have to keep telling myself that the guy out there for me must be FABULOUS because look at all this that I have had to go through for him.
I just cannot tell my family thank you enough. They are/have/will be doing so much for me. I will forever be in debt to you.
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