Yet ANOTHER change..

I have made yet another change in my life. Changes are good! I think this has got to be the best change yet! I feel GREAT, I haven't felt this good in a long time. I know many people I know are probably reading this and thinking "whatever", then stop reading.. I don't care if you continue reading. I'm not trying to impress you, change your feelings about me. I know I may never get you to do that. That has to come from yourself. All that I can do is show that I am trying to change and all I ask is for you to just TRY to accept that I am. If you can't do that... then I'm sorry. Then that is your problem, not mine.

Things happened in my life over the last year that I do take credit for because they were my own actions. However, there were actions of others that I cannot and I will not take credit for. The actions of many people involved caused things to happen in my life that I am not proud of. A lot of my depression, anxiety, fear, etc.. came back. Over the past year, I have continually gone to my doctor to have my meds evaluated. After so long, having personal life and work life and other things bog down on me, things spiraled out of control.

About a month ago, I had a HUGE breakdown with my depression, anxiety, stress, everything. I ended up moving out of Tammy's house and I got an apartment of my own. I think it went the way it had to go for a reason. I learned a lot!!

I LOVE having my own place again. I love coming home and having my own privacy. After living with my 2 sisters over the last year (who I am so thankful they let me in), I needed my own space. I feel I can come home at 11 pm if I want and not have someone ask me where I was, who I was with, what I was doing, etc. If I want to be an hour late for work, I can be (my boss is GREAT and she doesn't mind as long as we get our hours in).

I know there were MANY things that had gone on beyond my control for a few days and I tried to change that, but I was not able to change that. If things were said and people have questions or concerns, I would appreciate it if they would come to me and ask me. I have tried to reach out to people to make things better but again, that is now out of my hands and into yours as I have tried and I have not had success.

I have had amazing people in my life over the past month and I have tried so hard to keep the positive in my life and get the negative out. Me moving out and doing some life changing has really helped.

I do want to say thank you to my parents. I will continue on building our relationship back and I understand that is going to take time. I really enjoyed our time together for a few days last week. Even though we were just in the hospital with dad, I feel that I was able to get a lot of confusion worked out. (I even mentioned it to my doctor that I felt it was the best time in YEARS that we had such a great conversation and it really helped me out).

I have the best friends in the entire world. New friends and old friends! I met some of the best people in the hospital! My heart is broken that one of the good friends I met (Tyrell) died 4 days after I left and only 3 days after he was discharged. We really connected as we had a LOT in common with our situations. I am also really grateful I met Wes. Me, Wes and Tyrell were together for about 3 days in the hospital. Wes is amazing and he wants to move his family out of Nevada and here to SLC (any jobs hiring, let me know!).  I cannot even START to tell Jill and Felicia how grateful I am for them. Jill opened her house for me to stay for a night when I had no place to go. She came the night I was in the ER. Felicia, she has and always will be my best friend! My best friend since high school and we still continue to talk, almost every day. I don't know how I ever got so lucky to have these amazing people in my life!

And to another best friend in my life, Abdul. He was there the night in the ER. He came up almost every night at the hospital and would call me every day. His mom and brother came to the ER and his mom just sat by my side. Before she left, she told me that she prays for me every day. Abdul, his brother Khalifa and his uncle Manjaaye came up one night at the hospital. It wasn't for very long, but they wanted to come and say hi and make sure I was ok. The day I got out, Abdul's uncle Abe (lives in AZ) checked up on me to make sure I was ok, he said he had been so concerned and sad that he wasn't able to be there when I needed him. That family is just amazing! They have opened their arms and welcomed me! Abdul and Khalifa helped move my things to my apartment. They are just amazing and I love them all so much!

School is starting up in a week and I am SO excited! I only have 13 credits left and I will graduate. I never thought I would see this day. I am taking 7 credits this semester and 6 in the Spring.

I know there will be ups and downs. Things aren't always going to be great. But I have learned so much! I have really learned who I can trust and who I can't. I am going to do what I can to mend a lot of relationships and of course, that will take some time and effort. I hope that things will continue on the path that is going.

Vacation.. well, WORK

Well, my first semester back to school is over! I had a BLAST! My classes were great! I'm going to take the summer semester off and I'm already registered for Fall. I talked to a counselor at SLCC to see how much longer until I can graduate and just to see if I'm still on track, he said for me to get ready to graduate. I'll be taking 7 credits in the fall and then 6 in the Spring, then I'll graduate! I just got back from a trip back east. My work gave me the opportunity to go to the territory I work. I flew out Saturday morning(right after I was done with finals so a NICE end to the semester). My flight left at 7 am, I am so thankful that Tammy took me to the airport. I flew out with a girl on my team Jessica.

We flew to Detroit. That airport is crazy!

We got on the tram from our terminal and had to go to from there almost to the other side of the world (it felt). From the tram we had to walk thru this tunnel which was AMAZING. It had awesome lights that changed colors and had relaxing music :)

We flew from Detroit to Newark, NJ. There we were picked up by the rep that we would be working with the next few days that got this trip worked out for us, Stacey. It was AMAZING! She told me she would be picking us up in a black car, I never thought it would be a LIMO!

She gave us the royal treatment when we got there. There we went to Manhattan and ate a Thai restaurant called PEEP. It was so fun! Where the bathroom is, is a one sided mirror. People in the bathroom can look out but people can't look in. Kind of gives you stage fright :) There Stacey told us she had ANOTHER surprise for us..BLUE MAN GROUP! That show was SOO much fun! From there, we went to Times Square. I found ELMO in the middle of Times Square. Elmo was Asian asking for money lol We got to the hotel late. The hotel we stayed at was in Bethlehem, PA called Sands. Sunday was a day of R&R. I went shopping at the stores there. Got myself a new purse and wallet. Even played my first time at a casino. AND I DIDN'T LOSE ANY MONEY! Ate at great restaurants there (Carnegie Deli and Emeril's Italian restuarant) Monday and Tuesday we got to experience the field of sales for the company. It was CRAZY! Long days of running around. We ate at WONDERFUL places (panini's, italian, and my favorite.. SUSHI) Wednesday we left PA in the rain got to Newark to fly to Minneapolis. That airport is MASSIVE! I'm not sure if it's a mall in the airport or an airport in the mall. While at the gate, I saw about 7 missionaries waiting to get on our flight to come home to Utah. I went up and talked to them and actually found out that one of them actually lives close by me and his best friends dad is my bishop in my current ward! Small world! I am so glad to be home now. I was missing my bed. Nancy, Tyler and Grayson picked me up from the airport. Tyler was so cute and was cheering for me when I came down the escalator. I was so ready to hit my bed and fall asleep. I'm so grateful for the trip back there but I am so grateful for where I live.

New Year

A new year has come! There are a lot of changes in my life that I am happy about. I start school at Salt Lake Community College this upcoming week. It has been quite a long time since I've been at school. I have finally decided what I REALLY wanna go into and I REALLY excited about it. I have decided to focus on Psychology. I will be taking 3 classes at Salt Lake Community that are all Psychology classes. I'm a little nervous about classes because it has been so long but overall, I am really excited because most of my credits have transferred over from the previous schools and I am close to getting my associates done.

I had a wonderful Christmas! A wee before Christmas, I had the chance to go to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas concert and The Spoken Word (on Dec.18). I got the tickets from my boss who wasn't able to go. We had the best seats. I got 3 tickets, I got them for my mom. She grew up with Mack Wilberg (the choir director) and she has always wanted to go to the Christmas concert. We got there early that Sunday morning. We got in line at about 7. We visited with people in line and finally those doors opened. My parents and I went and got a seat, they were EXCELLENT seats! We were sitting in the same section as President Monson! We were able to watch the choir practice. It was amazing. There were 2 guests this year for the concert, Nathan Gunn and Jane Seymour. It was amazing and the spirit there was so amazing. The very last song that was sung by the choir was for the 2 guests, God be With You. It was all Acapella, just SOO amazing! Not a dry eye!

Since I have been at Myriad for 5 years, I was able to get the Christmas break off. It was my first year getting this break and it was much needed. My parents came up on Friday before christmas. My dad had a sleepover with the kids upstairs. They were so excited to have grandma and grandpa able to sleep at their house now. Me and my mom slept downstairs in my own little "house". Christmas morning, we were able to see the Gale kids open their gifts. Then we went down to spend some time with the Browns. Tyler and Grandpa were having a lot of fun putting his race track up on the wall. We came up to my ward for church. It was so much fun having my parents up for Christmas. After church, my parents went up to Logan to see the Labrum kids. I headed over to spend time with Abdul's family. We had a nice dinner and I got to meet his parents. Monday afternoon, me and my parents headed up to Logan to the hotel so they could go to the temple Tuesday morning with the Labrum's. Isaac was being sealed to the family. You can read the story ehere. Tuesday was the day that the family has been waiting for. Since I am not able to in the temple with the family, I got to watch the rest of the kids. After the temple sealing, we all headed out to the Labrum home for the blessing of Isaac and for food :) It was so nice to see the family and for time to visit. After the eventful day, headed home with Tammy and the kids.

This whole break I was having extreme knee pain. Not able to put much weight on me knee. I was just thinking it was because of the cold weather. But everyday it was just getting worse. I would just wear my knee brace and keep treking along hoping it would get better. Finally, after the trip the Logan I made an appointment with my orthopedic surgeon just to take a look at the knee. He looked at the leg, range of motion, etc. We decided on giving me a cortisone shot and if that didn't work then we would do an MRI. The cortisone shot worked for about 3 days. I'm back to not being able to walk much, having to wear the knee brace at all time so my knee doesn't give out on me. I have contacted the doctor and they are working on getting me into the MRI. As of yesterday, my insurance has denied the authorization for the MRI, not sure WHY. My doctor did tell me he is worried that I have a torn meniscus.

I am really working on keeping a positive attitude about everything. My goal for 2012 is to be a person each day then I was the day before. I control my life and I will not allow anyone to ruin my day. I learned so much from 2011. Everything happens for a reason. I don't think that if I was still where I was at, I would be going back to school and progressing with my life. Everything happens for a reason! I had to have the life changing experience that I had to help things come out in the open and I don't think that I would've been able to handle things if they happened any other way.