I have made yet another change in my life. Changes are good! I think this has got to be the best change yet! I feel GREAT, I haven't felt this good in a long time. I know many people I know are probably reading this and thinking "whatever", then stop reading.. I don't care if you continue reading. I'm not trying to impress you, change your feelings about me. I know I may never get you to do that. That has to come from yourself. All that I can do is show that I am trying to change and all I ask is for you to just TRY to accept that I am. If you can't do that... then I'm sorry. Then that is your problem, not mine.
Things happened in my life over the last year that I do take credit for because they were my own actions. However, there were actions of others that I cannot and I will not take credit for. The actions of many people involved caused things to happen in my life that I am not proud of. A lot of my depression, anxiety, fear, etc.. came back. Over the past year, I have continually gone to my doctor to have my meds evaluated. After so long, having personal life and work life and other things bog down on me, things spiraled out of control.
About a month ago, I had a HUGE breakdown with my depression, anxiety, stress, everything. I ended up moving out of Tammy's house and I got an apartment of my own. I think it went the way it had to go for a reason. I learned a lot!!
I LOVE having my own place again. I love coming home and having my own privacy. After living with my 2 sisters over the last year (who I am so thankful they let me in), I needed my own space. I feel I can come home at 11 pm if I want and not have someone ask me where I was, who I was with, what I was doing, etc. If I want to be an hour late for work, I can be (my boss is GREAT and she doesn't mind as long as we get our hours in).
I know there were MANY things that had gone on beyond my control for a few days and I tried to change that, but I was not able to change that. If things were said and people have questions or concerns, I would appreciate it if they would come to me and ask me. I have tried to reach out to people to make things better but again, that is now out of my hands and into yours as I have tried and I have not had success.
I have had amazing people in my life over the past month and I have tried so hard to keep the positive in my life and get the negative out. Me moving out and doing some life changing has really helped.
I do want to say thank you to my parents. I will continue on building our relationship back and I understand that is going to take time. I really enjoyed our time together for a few days last week. Even though we were just in the hospital with dad, I feel that I was able to get a lot of confusion worked out. (I even mentioned it to my doctor that I felt it was the best time in YEARS that we had such a great conversation and it really helped me out).
I have the best friends in the entire world. New friends and old friends! I met some of the best people in the hospital! My heart is broken that one of the good friends I met (Tyrell) died 4 days after I left and only 3 days after he was discharged. We really connected as we had a LOT in common with our situations. I am also really grateful I met Wes. Me, Wes and Tyrell were together for about 3 days in the hospital. Wes is amazing and he wants to move his family out of Nevada and here to SLC (any jobs hiring, let me know!). I cannot even START to tell Jill and Felicia how grateful I am for them. Jill opened her house for me to stay for a night when I had no place to go. She came the night I was in the ER. Felicia, she has and always will be my best friend! My best friend since high school and we still continue to talk, almost every day. I don't know how I ever got so lucky to have these amazing people in my life!
And to another best friend in my life, Abdul. He was there the night in the ER. He came up almost every night at the hospital and would call me every day. His mom and brother came to the ER and his mom just sat by my side. Before she left, she told me that she prays for me every day. Abdul, his brother Khalifa and his uncle Manjaaye came up one night at the hospital. It wasn't for very long, but they wanted to come and say hi and make sure I was ok. The day I got out, Abdul's uncle Abe (lives in AZ) checked up on me to make sure I was ok, he said he had been so concerned and sad that he wasn't able to be there when I needed him. That family is just amazing! They have opened their arms and welcomed me! Abdul and Khalifa helped move my things to my apartment. They are just amazing and I love them all so much!
School is starting up in a week and I am SO excited! I only have 13 credits left and I will graduate. I never thought I would see this day. I am taking 7 credits this semester and 6 in the Spring.
I know there will be ups and downs. Things aren't always going to be great. But I have learned so much! I have really learned who I can trust and who I can't. I am going to do what I can to mend a lot of relationships and of course, that will take some time and effort. I hope that things will continue on the path that is going.
