My vent session

I am debating about deleting this blog because I have found many people that I have gone to high school with and I LOVE to read about what is going on with them and their families they do not feel the same way and could care less about others. I know I am not married or have kids, I know my life may not be as interesting but I do have things going on in my life too. I have a thing called sitemeter on my blog and I can track who comes and looks at my blog. VERY few people comment on my blog. Sometimes my own family doesn't even comment on my blog. My family means so much to me. They are the ones I can always lean to no matter what. I have commented how many times the past few days and nothing. I know they are busy but if they post, I know it took time out of their daily schedule so I want them to know that read it and I acknowledge that. Sorry, I have just been having a lot of bottled emotions lately. I know while I was in school, I felt like I had no friends. I had to change friends pretty much yearly because for some reason after every year I didn't "fit in" with that previous years group of friends. I have been dealing with this my entire life. There are VERY FEW people who I have been able to call TRUE friends or even FRIENDS. To be honest, I don't know if I would EVER go back to high school if I had to because some people made my life a living hell there. I tried to hide it as well as I could. I am trying to make my life the best it can be right now. The Lord knows what he's doing. Maybe All my life I have been living like that. I remember in Elementary that before I could ride bikes to school with certain "friends" I had to call them everything morning and ask and then THEY had to call each other to see if it was ok. There were so many times that I was told no I couldn't ride bikes to school with them and I had to ride alone. In Jr. High getting on the bus to ride over to Ferron to SRJH, nobody wanted to sit with me. I was so glad that Jr High was over. In High School, I drove myself to school. I parked over by the seminary building. I parked right by Jessie Lloyd. Everyday she would say Hi to me going in. But I knew if she had certain "friends" with her, they wouldn't talk to me because I wasn't "cool" enough. This explains a lot of my anger towards people. This is why I don't really like seeing a bunch of people from high school. I'm not saying I didn't have any friends... I had friends.. There were a few in high school that I am actually still close to. I have gone through a lot the past 8 years since graduation. More then ANYONE will ever know. Even my best friends don't know everything. It is getting harder and harder to trust people because of things that have happened to me. But I come on here to see how people are doing and I leave comments on their blog just to say hi and just to show them that hey, someone from back home is thinking of me, or someone is wondering how i am. I'm not asking for a big TO DO about making all these comments on my blog... you could just be civil... like every once in a while POST something.. i don't like reading on others blogs about me that you got their blog from my blog.. but you don't even have the decency (sp?) to even say hi to me on my own blog.. that hurts more then you'll ever know!

I think I am done venting... because my eyes hurt and my head hurt and i am ready to start crying. I really just want friends who care. And if I was rude back in school, I am sorry. I am just a reserved person.. don't really open up. That's why i'm trying to open up on my blog so people can see the REAL, TRUE Nicky.. I'm not that bad of person people might think I am!